I was with my dad at one of the drug stores the other night..
"It's going to take about 45 minutes to prepare the medicine" that's what the pharmacist said..
So me and my dad sat there on the bench..waiting..
it's been a long time since me and my dad had a chance to talk..just the two of us..
I asked " how long did u work in Sudarpo (a small IT company in 1970's)? "
"7 years..." he replied..
I was amazed..."why did u stay around that long dad?"
" Well..i liked the job..and i learn alot.." he said..."but i kind of regreted in a way...7 years is a long time".."But..i had ambitions...lofty goals" he added.
" Every year i went up..had promotions..eventhough i started out from the bottom.."
I asked again.."what was ur first salary dad?"
He paused...and looked at me " 22 thousand rupiah" and then he laughed..
"It was a small company...that's why the increment of salary increase was meager.."
" I had to argue and complaint to the HRD about my salary increase every year" he laughed again..
" But..i was moving up..at the end of my tenure my salary was 86 thousand rupiah"
and then we both laughed.
" No matter what u do..where u work...u should have that kind of passion and ambitions son..and i guarante you..u will get something good out of it.."
I was stunned...ambitions...i suddenly realized..that it was the main thing that i lacked of the whole time...
With ambitions..come passions...and i haven't had both for a long time..
That's what drives you forward...and up...
If you do your lives as it is...without goals..then...it will be stagnant.
What seems like a simple and obvious thing..sometimes we can easily forget about it..
So dad...thanks for reminding me...
25 September, 2007
03 September, 2007
Long Distance..Sucks?
Long distance..i think LD is one of those terms that not many people want to get involved in the first place..especially for couple. Unfortunately..this is what me and my girlfriend are going through right now.
She went to Singapore early August to pursue her Master's and i stayed here in Jakarta to pursue the routines of living..working.
I have heard a lot of stories about LD from my friends, colleagues, and family...and about 2/3 of them do not have happy endings. Some of the reasons for the break ups are trust issue, boredom, communication, and last but not least affair with other people. To be honest with you.. at first me and my gf didn't know what to expect and what to do with this whole LD thing. All i could think was " are we going to survive?"
But in spite all of the negative stories and discouraging tales, i found some ray of hope. There were also couples that went through LD with happy endings. Case #1, a friend of mine whom i knew from college, were in LD with his then-gf for four years! four long years! This was not a simple LD such as Jakarta - Bali, Jakarta - KL, etc....this was quite big...Jkt - Texas. And another remarkable thing was..during those 4 years...they never met...they never visited each other even for once. Imagine that...and when i said they had a happy ending in the end...they did. Once my friend went back to Jkt...they got married a few months later.
Case # 2...one of my gf best friend is also planning to get married soon. The story line is.. they have been together for about 7 years...and during those 7 years..they were constantly apart from one another...either the guy was stationed in Medan..the girl went to Holland for her master's...or most recently the girl was in KL to work and the guy still in Medan. But...now she is in Jkt to prepare for their wedding this year. Another happy ending.
So...from those 2 stories alone..i can conclude that LD is not as bad as it seems. Although it is not going to be easy but it is not impossible. I think some of the thinks that you and your partner need to have in long distance relationship are trust...high level of understanding one another..commitment..transparancy..loyalty..constant communication and a little bit of sacrifice.
Trust is going to be needed for your and your partner own sake. If you don't have trust then it will get into your head eventually. This trust is needed to keep you balanced... so there are no paranoia involved. If you don't have trust...you will spend all your time worrying about your partner, which u are unable to monitor all the time of course. " Is he/she cheating on me right now?" " Is there any other people that he/she is seeing right now?" " what is my partner doing this time of night?" "is my partner flirting with other people? etc...u get the idea. But, if you trust your partner..then it will be alot more fun. U don't need to be worry of your partner all the time...just believe that ur partner is open to you and committed to you. In the end it will be better of for both of you.
High level of understanding deals more to the situation of LD itself. When you are in a LDR...then there will be a lot of constraints such as time...you can have big time differences with your partner..and u have to understand that.U cannot force ur gf to chat with you, for instance if at your local time is 4 pm but at your gf's local time is 4 am! Another form of understanding...is to make sure that your partner can trust you completely. For instance..if you are going out with your friends late at night...just let him/her know, where your abouts, what time u go home, and with who are u going out with. That would make ur partner feel comfortable..instead of just disappeared like wind...that would make your partner panic. Just try to put yourself in your partner's shoes.
Commitment and loyalty i think can go together. If you are loyal and have great commitment to your partner..then i think this LDR will be piece of cake. For instance..just be open about people around you to your partner. If there is a guy/girl making a move on you..you should tell to your partner..to let your partner know" hey don't you worry...even though there is someone trying to make a move on me...i am still committed to you...no matter what" and also...if your loyal..then stay away from people that are trying to make a move on you..:) i think that is the best thing to do.
Communication is also really important..for two people that are separated...what more can be important than communication? It is the glue that bond you and your partner together. Without constant communication, a relationship is lost. Just imagine...you are in Jkt and your gf is in Spain...and you guys are only communicating once a week...can you imagine what kind of disaster is waiting to happen there? Just try to keep in touch everyday...it does not have to be 2 hours or even 1 hour...it depends on the situation even though you are really busy...just try to spare some time to keep in touch with your partner, either by sms, chatting or phone. Talk about everything..be open. It is crucial.
The last thing is sacrifice...what i am talking about here is just little things...but even though they are little things..they mean a lot.For example..Even though ur day was very hectic...papers...exams...projects etc...and ur exhausted..just spare a little time..u know communicating with your partner..either by phone...or chatting with web cam. This little things would mean so much to your partner...he/she will feel that even though ur exhausted u would still have time for he/she. Or...if your "pulsa"is zero...then just immediately top it up...just to make sure that u can keep communicating with your partner. Just little things..but they mean a lot.
So far...i think me and my gf have done all of the above...well not all went smooth obviously..but we're improving and learning each day. It's been 1 month we are apart...even though it is not easy..but me and my gf are getting used to it...not getting used to be apart...but getting used to managing the distance and the gap between us. I really miss my gf... but i know that we will have happy ending in the end...because we are committed to each other...we are loyal to each other...and the most important thing...we love each other. :)
She went to Singapore early August to pursue her Master's and i stayed here in Jakarta to pursue the routines of living..working.
I have heard a lot of stories about LD from my friends, colleagues, and family...and about 2/3 of them do not have happy endings. Some of the reasons for the break ups are trust issue, boredom, communication, and last but not least affair with other people. To be honest with you.. at first me and my gf didn't know what to expect and what to do with this whole LD thing. All i could think was " are we going to survive?"
But in spite all of the negative stories and discouraging tales, i found some ray of hope. There were also couples that went through LD with happy endings. Case #1, a friend of mine whom i knew from college, were in LD with his then-gf for four years! four long years! This was not a simple LD such as Jakarta - Bali, Jakarta - KL, etc....this was quite big...Jkt - Texas. And another remarkable thing was..during those 4 years...they never met...they never visited each other even for once. Imagine that...and when i said they had a happy ending in the end...they did. Once my friend went back to Jkt...they got married a few months later.
Case # 2...one of my gf best friend is also planning to get married soon. The story line is.. they have been together for about 7 years...and during those 7 years..they were constantly apart from one another...either the guy was stationed in Medan..the girl went to Holland for her master's...or most recently the girl was in KL to work and the guy still in Medan. But...now she is in Jkt to prepare for their wedding this year. Another happy ending.
So...from those 2 stories alone..i can conclude that LD is not as bad as it seems. Although it is not going to be easy but it is not impossible. I think some of the thinks that you and your partner need to have in long distance relationship are trust...high level of understanding one another..commitment..transparancy..loyalty..constant communication and a little bit of sacrifice.
Trust is going to be needed for your and your partner own sake. If you don't have trust then it will get into your head eventually. This trust is needed to keep you balanced... so there are no paranoia involved. If you don't have trust...you will spend all your time worrying about your partner, which u are unable to monitor all the time of course. " Is he/she cheating on me right now?" " Is there any other people that he/she is seeing right now?" " what is my partner doing this time of night?" "is my partner flirting with other people? etc...u get the idea. But, if you trust your partner..then it will be alot more fun. U don't need to be worry of your partner all the time...just believe that ur partner is open to you and committed to you. In the end it will be better of for both of you.
High level of understanding deals more to the situation of LD itself. When you are in a LDR...then there will be a lot of constraints such as time...you can have big time differences with your partner..and u have to understand that.U cannot force ur gf to chat with you, for instance if at your local time is 4 pm but at your gf's local time is 4 am! Another form of understanding...is to make sure that your partner can trust you completely. For instance..if you are going out with your friends late at night...just let him/her know, where your abouts, what time u go home, and with who are u going out with. That would make ur partner feel comfortable..instead of just disappeared like wind...that would make your partner panic. Just try to put yourself in your partner's shoes.
Commitment and loyalty i think can go together. If you are loyal and have great commitment to your partner..then i think this LDR will be piece of cake. For instance..just be open about people around you to your partner. If there is a guy/girl making a move on you..you should tell to your partner..to let your partner know" hey don't you worry...even though there is someone trying to make a move on me...i am still committed to you...no matter what" and also...if your loyal..then stay away from people that are trying to make a move on you..:) i think that is the best thing to do.
Communication is also really important..for two people that are separated...what more can be important than communication? It is the glue that bond you and your partner together. Without constant communication, a relationship is lost. Just imagine...you are in Jkt and your gf is in Spain...and you guys are only communicating once a week...can you imagine what kind of disaster is waiting to happen there? Just try to keep in touch everyday...it does not have to be 2 hours or even 1 hour...it depends on the situation even though you are really busy...just try to spare some time to keep in touch with your partner, either by sms, chatting or phone. Talk about everything..be open. It is crucial.
The last thing is sacrifice...what i am talking about here is just little things...but even though they are little things..they mean a lot.For example..Even though ur day was very hectic...papers...exams...projects etc...and ur exhausted..just spare a little time..u know communicating with your partner..either by phone...or chatting with web cam. This little things would mean so much to your partner...he/she will feel that even though ur exhausted u would still have time for he/she. Or...if your "pulsa"is zero...then just immediately top it up...just to make sure that u can keep communicating with your partner. Just little things..but they mean a lot.
So far...i think me and my gf have done all of the above...well not all went smooth obviously..but we're improving and learning each day. It's been 1 month we are apart...even though it is not easy..but me and my gf are getting used to it...not getting used to be apart...but getting used to managing the distance and the gap between us. I really miss my gf... but i know that we will have happy ending in the end...because we are committed to each other...we are loyal to each other...and the most important thing...we love each other. :)
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